First, I would like to say thank you for all the nice comments on the past post :) They are appreciated! Today is our 6th month Family Day anniversary. This Christmas has a much more different and positive feeling than last. This time last year we were looking at a second adoption in hopes to be matched with a second child while we were waiting for our Chinese adoption to go through (knowing it would be at least another 1 - 2 years). In the end, we found Ruby and doors were opened where we didn't think would be possible. As I reflect back on the past 6 months, I realize how much faster time passes by when you have a child. Ruby has grown a couple of inches, her English is up to conversation and she is thriving in school. Of course we have our struggles, but our little girl (as Daddy calls her), is progressing fast. We are very fortunate that she is expressive and will communicate her feelings to us. For example, she let us know in the car that today she is struggling being nice to us (which we already knew!). How awesome that she feels so comfortable to express her feelings with us. We are in Chicago visiting family for the holidays and this is the first time Ruby is away from home. I must say that she did AMAZING in the two day car ride from Colorado to Chicago. Very impressed!
Here is the list of books I mentioned in the last post. There are many more out there and we have read some others, but these are books Ruby has connected with and have brought up great conversation. Hope this helps with adoptive families or those wanting to buy books for loved ones.
Family are Forever by Greg Shemin
Mama's Wish/Daughter's Wish by Debbie Blackington - Ruby did a book report on this book (English and Chinese) This is one of Ruby's favorites!
How I was Adopted by Joanna Cole
When You Were Born in China by Sara Dorow
At Home In This World by Jean MacLeod
Motherbridge of Love by Xinran
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sweet and OMG Moments
Our house is very quiet this evening. The snow is falling, the TV is off, Ruby is sleeping, the Christmas lights inside and out are glowing and our wood burning stove is so hot that it's not making much noise but a slight hissing sound. I love evenings like this.
Ruby's reading choice tonight was the book "Forever Family", which is about a little girl, named Rain, who was adopted from China. Again, Ruby had questions about adoption. Her key question of the night was ..... what was a forever family? This took me off guard because Ruby and I have read and processed (or at least I thought) this book at least twice before AND Mike and I have told her several times (beginning in China) that we are her Forever Parents and that we will never leave. Yet, until tonight she still thought that she would go back to her Chinese orphanage at some point in her life and get another new set of parents. Oh my gosh! My heart nearly broke when she told me this. I really thought she knew we were together forever. Yet, I can understand where she is coming from .....her birth mother left her, then she went to the orphanage for a few weeks, then she was placed with her foster family for 9 years (knowing all along that around age of 10 she would be placed back at the orphanage - how awful to NOT to want to turn 9 or 10!), then moved back to the orphanage at almost age 10 and lastly receiving new parents and moving to a different country on the other side of the world.
My dear daughter - I feel awful that we didn't make it clear to you that we are a FOREVER family and that you will never every have any other parents again.
After explaining to Ruby what forever really means, she had a big grin on her face and kept saying "you are kidding" and "really?". I'm not even sure if it has sunk into her head yet, but at least she now knows that nobody will take her away and she won't have to change parents ever again. One thing is for sure......we will be talking about forever families much more often!
On my next post, I'll list the adoption books we have read together and single out the ones that have sparked good conversation about adoption.
To other adoptive families: Please use our story to make triple sure your children (especially older children that have had a foster family) understand what a forever family really is. It saddens me that we assumed Ruby understood this. 5 months is 5 months too long for such an assumption.
Ruby's reading choice tonight was the book "Forever Family", which is about a little girl, named Rain, who was adopted from China. Again, Ruby had questions about adoption. Her key question of the night was ..... what was a forever family? This took me off guard because Ruby and I have read and processed (or at least I thought) this book at least twice before AND Mike and I have told her several times (beginning in China) that we are her Forever Parents and that we will never leave. Yet, until tonight she still thought that she would go back to her Chinese orphanage at some point in her life and get another new set of parents. Oh my gosh! My heart nearly broke when she told me this. I really thought she knew we were together forever. Yet, I can understand where she is coming from .....her birth mother left her, then she went to the orphanage for a few weeks, then she was placed with her foster family for 9 years (knowing all along that around age of 10 she would be placed back at the orphanage - how awful to NOT to want to turn 9 or 10!), then moved back to the orphanage at almost age 10 and lastly receiving new parents and moving to a different country on the other side of the world.
My dear daughter - I feel awful that we didn't make it clear to you that we are a FOREVER family and that you will never every have any other parents again.
After explaining to Ruby what forever really means, she had a big grin on her face and kept saying "you are kidding" and "really?". I'm not even sure if it has sunk into her head yet, but at least she now knows that nobody will take her away and she won't have to change parents ever again. One thing is for sure......we will be talking about forever families much more often!
On my next post, I'll list the adoption books we have read together and single out the ones that have sparked good conversation about adoption.
To other adoptive families: Please use our story to make triple sure your children (especially older children that have had a foster family) understand what a forever family really is. It saddens me that we assumed Ruby understood this. 5 months is 5 months too long for such an assumption.
The big 11
Ready to open gifts..
Ruby's BD had a peacock theme...this was my poor attempt at a peacock cakeAt least Ruby loved it :)
Ruby felt like a new woman with her ears pierced!
Dressed up for a Christmas PartyRuby said hello to age 11 on December 5th. It was her first birthday party and she had a blast. All the kids were wonderful and so well behaved. Mike and I were impressed! This was a day Ruby has been counting down to since she first arrived home because birthdays aren't really celebrated in China. Ruby mentioned that her foster family celebrated her 9th birthday the last winter she was with them. They celebrated with a special dinner (no friends, party or gifts).
Now that Ruby is 11 it is amazing to see how fast she has grown. She has grown over an inch in the past 5 months. Her 6x and 7 size clothing don't fit her anymore. She can just barely wear 8's and fits best into 10's now. Ruby is becoming more socially mature and has phased out of several of her small child habits. She loves to talk on the phone with Mom and Dad and sometimes with relatives. This is a good sign that she is more confident about her English skills. We attended a Christmas party last night and Ruby had no problem starting conversations with people and introducing herself. She is using more and more complete sentences every day and is doing really well at sounding out words when reading. I'm so happy she loves books because this has really helped her interest in English. Another cool thing...Ruby really enjoys her adoption related books and is starting to ask more questions concerning her experience. I'm really glad we have many of these books because she chooses to read them at night with us and enjoys hearing other children's stories. It has made adoption seem much more common. It has also opened communication on other topics .....like... how babies are born, ideas on why birth mothers can't keep their babies, why are so many girls adopted from China, why people choose to adopt from China and why some countries don't have international adoption. I just love when she has so many questions about adoption. She is such a smart little girl!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
