6 Months and Book List

First, I would like to say thank you for all the nice comments on the past post :) They are appreciated! Today is our 6th month Family Day anniversary. This Christmas has a much more different and positive feeling than last. This time last year we were looking at a second adoption in hopes to be matched with a second child while we were waiting for our Chinese adoption to go through (knowing it would be at least another 1 - 2 years). In the end, we found Ruby and doors were opened where we didn't think would be possible. As I reflect back on the past 6 months, I realize how much faster time passes by when you have a child. Ruby has grown a couple of inches, her English is up to conversation and she is thriving in school. Of course we have our struggles, but our little girl (as Daddy calls her), is progressing fast. We are very fortunate that she is expressive and will communicate her feelings to us. For example, she let us know in the car that today she is struggling being nice to us (which we already knew!). How awesome that she feels so comfortable to express her feelings with us. We are in Chicago visiting family for the holidays and this is the first time Ruby is away from home. I must say that she did AMAZING in the two day car ride from Colorado to Chicago. Very impressed!

Here is the list of books I mentioned in the last post. There are many more out there and we have read some others, but these are books Ruby has connected with and have brought up great conversation. Hope this helps with adoptive families or those wanting to buy books for loved ones.

Family are Forever by Greg Shemin
Mama's Wish/Daughter's Wish by Debbie Blackington - Ruby did a book report on this book (English and Chinese) This is one of Ruby's favorites!
How I was Adopted by Joanna Cole
When You Were Born in China by Sara Dorow
At Home In This World by Jean MacLeod
Motherbridge of Love by Xinran

Sweet and OMG Moments

Our house is very quiet this evening. The snow is falling, the TV is off, Ruby is sleeping, the Christmas lights inside and out are glowing and our wood burning stove is so hot that it's not making much noise but a slight hissing sound. I love evenings like this.

Ruby's reading choice tonight was the book "Forever Family", which is about a little girl, named Rain, who was adopted from China. Again, Ruby had questions about adoption. Her key question of the night was ..... what was a forever family? This took me off guard because Ruby and I have read and processed (or at least I thought) this book at least twice before AND Mike and I have told her several times (beginning in China) that we are her Forever Parents and that we will never leave. Yet, until tonight she still thought that she would go back to her Chinese orphanage at some point in her life and get another new set of parents. Oh my gosh! My heart nearly broke when she told me this. I really thought she knew we were together forever. Yet, I can understand where she is coming from .....her birth mother left her, then she went to the orphanage for a few weeks, then she was placed with her foster family for 9 years (knowing all along that around age of 10 she would be placed back at the orphanage - how awful to NOT to want to turn 9 or 10!), then moved back to the orphanage at almost age 10 and lastly receiving new parents and moving to a different country on the other side of the world.

My dear daughter - I feel awful that we didn't make it clear to you that we are a FOREVER family and that you will never every have any other parents again.

After explaining to Ruby what forever really means, she had a big grin on her face and kept saying "you are kidding" and "really?". I'm not even sure if it has sunk into her head yet, but at least she now knows that nobody will take her away and she won't have to change parents ever again. One thing is for sure......we will be talking about forever families much more often!

On my next post, I'll list the adoption books we have read together and single out the ones that have sparked good conversation about adoption.

To other adoptive families: Please use our story to make triple sure your children (especially older children that have had a foster family) understand what a forever family really is. It saddens me that we assumed Ruby understood this. 5 months is 5 months too long for such an assumption.

The big 11

Ready to open gifts..

Ruby's BD had a peacock theme...this was my poor attempt at a peacock cake

At least Ruby loved it :)

Ruby felt like a new woman with her ears pierced!

Dressed up for a Christmas Party

Ruby said hello to age 11 on December 5th. It was her first birthday party and she had a blast. All the kids were wonderful and so well behaved. Mike and I were impressed! This was a day Ruby has been counting down to since she first arrived home because birthdays aren't really celebrated in China. Ruby mentioned that her foster family celebrated her 9th birthday the last winter she was with them. They celebrated with a special dinner (no friends, party or gifts).

Now that Ruby is 11 it is amazing to see how fast she has grown. She has grown over an inch in the past 5 months. Her 6x and 7 size clothing don't fit her anymore. She can just barely wear 8's and fits best into 10's now. Ruby is becoming more socially mature and has phased out of several of her small child habits. She loves to talk on the phone with Mom and Dad and sometimes with relatives. This is a good sign that she is more confident about her English skills. We attended a Christmas party last night and Ruby had no problem starting conversations with people and introducing herself. She is using more and more complete sentences every day and is doing really well at sounding out words when reading. I'm so happy she loves books because this has really helped her interest in English. Another cool thing...Ruby really enjoys her adoption related books and is starting to ask more questions concerning her experience. I'm really glad we have many of these books because she chooses to read them at night with us and enjoys hearing other children's stories. It has made adoption seem much more common. It has also opened communication on other topics .....like... how babies are born, ideas on why birth mothers can't keep their babies, why are so many girls adopted from China, why people choose to adopt from China and why some countries don't have international adoption. I just love when she has so many questions about adoption. She is such a smart little girl!

Thanksgiving Weekend

Mom decorating the tree.

Ruby chillin w/Grandpa

Mike getting ready to cut down the Christmas tree.

Thanks for finding the perfect tree Katie!!

Thanksgiving Dinner (Grandpa, Me, Katie and brother Larry)

Mimi likes the Christmas Village too.

She found a spot w/o knocking down anything! Amazing cat-

It was so nice to be with family during the Thanksgiving weekend. We stuffed ourselves, cut down the Christmas tree, played football and watched some holiday movies. Mike also took my Dad, brother and Katie to shoot off some rounds. It was a good time! It was Ruby's first Thanksgiving and first time having to share Mom and Dad with several other people. That part was a little difficult for her. We noticed a change in her personality and respect towards Mike and I. We talked about it after everyone left and luckily she was very open about her feelings and what was hard for her while we had company. Another step forward :)

Ruby keeping warm in her new pink scarf!

Gobble Gobble

I sure hope my Turkey turns out this nice!

Our house is really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Not only is this Ruby's first Thanksgiving, but my Dad, brother and his girlfriend are leaving their homes today to celebrate with us. Ruby has met Grandpa the first day she came home, but it will be her first time to meet Uncle Larry and Auntie Katie.

Our family connection is finding its niche. We are to the point where we click more often, know each others reaction before it will happen and just feel closer overall. A few nights ago Mike mentioned that it seems like we've been a family for much longer than we really have...I will agree. It feels so good to be at this point after almost 5 months. Considering Ruby is an older child, this is a huge accomplishment. Today Ruby said "I love you bigger than mother earth." My heart just melted!

Last night we played Monopoly for the first time. Ruby caught on fast and LOVES the game. I personally thinks she likes the power of the money :) She always has very good fu (luck) while playing games. Last night was not an exception. Her first time around the board she landed on Boardwalk (bought it of course!) and her second time around the board she landed on Park Place (another important purchase as well!). Mike and I couldn't believe it. Besides card games, her two favorite games are now Rumikube and Monoploy. To the family in IL and Michigan: watch out because Ruby will dominate over the Christmas holidays!

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

Adoption Yahoo Groups

This post is for all the people I've met on the adoption related Yahoo Groups. I have deleted my yahoo account because it was business related and I have changed jobs. Please contact me through my e-mail listed on this blog. I will re-join the groups sometime in future.

Moving Along...

First, I have to comment on the election. Although not everyone shares the same view, I am so happy that Obama was elected. It was very exciting to watch the results as a family and was easy for Ruby to follow. We made it a very big deal - how cool for Ruby to experience such a historical election year her first year in America. I hope it is something she will always remember. Now I'm just kicking myself in the butt (BIG time!!!!) that we didn't attend any of the Obama rallies in Colorado...*I'm sooo stupid!*

Ruby loves second hand stores like her mommy. We came across this steal for $2.50. She has already decided that it is her Christmas dress - she looks so beautiful.

Halloween Photos

Ruby in the school Halloween costume parade on Friday

Our black Halloween cat, Mimi

Ruby and her fav dog, Simba

Family pumpkins (Mike's, Ruby's and Tara's)

Daddy cutting is spooktacular pumpking

The girls digging out the pumpkin brains...

We took Ruby trick or treating on Friday evening. She was a bit shy at first, but

realized how fast she can rack up the candy...then got really into trick or treating.

The dogs joined us, the weather was fabulous (50s) and we will all

be enjoying candy for awhile.

WE look forward to CHANGE tomorrow!

Honor Roll, colorful teeth and that cold white stuff...

Loving the first snow fall...I don't think she

quite understands how much we actually get up here!

Ruby made the honor roll. Pretty amazing kid. We are so

proud of our hard working daughter! Of course the English part of school has

been adapted to her level...but she's catching up fast!

Yes, we know that Ruby should brush her teeth more often, but the colors are starting to grow on us.

Ruby attended her first Halloween party yesterday and had a blast. Afterwards she told me that she really likes Halloween now. She was also amazed by all the candy.

Our daughter is picking up English at a faster pace now. She has used 20 - 25 new words in sentences the past few days. Ruby gets so excited when she uses a new word. When she uses a new word she let's us know that it is a first time word. Very cool and we share her excitement! She is starting to forget a little Chinese already, which makes us all sad, including Ruby. Luckily she is trying to keep up with her Chinese by listening to Chinese music CD's and moive/videos. My mom sent her several animal Chinese videos (a Chinese version of animal planet shows). All these things have helped......the library is also hooking us up with an order of simple reading books in Chinese and English so Ruby can retain some of her 1st grade level in reading and writing the Chinese characters.

Pumpkin Patch Fun & Photos

Ruby riding a mini horse.... she told me later that day it was her first time on a horse, even though she grew up with them.
Ruby and her friend Seth.

Mom and Ruby on a hay ride....

I love that Ruby is in the tween stage because she still has a lot of little girl left in her. It makes days like going to a pumpkin patch so much fun. Right now she believes in Santa...I hope it lasts until after Christmas. How fun to play Santa for her first Christmas! She has some pre-teen behaviors too....like not knowing what to wear to school and if it looks nice, asking me to buy more training bras (boo hoo....puberty is coming) and wanting to wear make-up.

4 months as a family

Ruby and Daddy chill'n with Macea...aka Mimi
The parents.....it's nice to have someone in the house that
can take photos of us!

Daddy with Ruby

Mike and I can't believe we've been a family for four months already. Fall is here and we are already looking forward to Halloween, Thanksgiving, Rubys' BD, Christmas and the New Year!

We reached a couple of milestones this week. Ruby's behavior and emotions have finally become more consistently positive. We only had two small behavior issues this week. This is amazing! Usually she has a couple of good days mixed in with some OK and 3 -4 challenging days. Mike and I have been praising her left and right for doing such a good job at expressing her emotions appropriately. We are so proud of her. This is a huge accomplishment and I we can tell she is trying hard. Ruby even went so far this week to admit that she hasn't been very nice sometimes to us and that she can do better. Another milestone includes Ruby saying sorry to me. She has only said sorry after poor behavior because Mike has asked her to. ...maybe one or two times before. Because it was the first time she said sorry on her own I broke down and cried (of course!). I let her know that it made me happy. She gave me a big smile and kiss on the cheek after I told her how proud I was of her. I hope it happens again :) Since that incident, our relationship seems to have taken a little step further. Our third milestone happened today. She wanted to know about the adoption process and hear our story of why, how and when we adopted. I was quite open and honest. She also shared some more of her story with me. Her younger foster sister entered the orphanage the same time. I hope to find where her sister was adopted...if yet. Ruby knew she was going to be adopted about 60 days before she came home...this is good because I thought they gave her less time. She didn't receive the care package though until the day before she came home....not a lot of time to process the photos we sent.

On another note - Ruby is starting to read basic level 1 and 2 books like "I am Sam". She also starts full school days maybe next week or the next.

Visiting with Grandpa and Grandma Skubella

Celebrating my big 35 with family...at a Chinese restaurant of course!

Ruby w/ Grandma and Grandpa Skubella

Me sleeping...for some reason my family loves to take photos of me sleeping.

Ruby at the football game. She cheered with the Jr. Cheerleaders and had a blast!

We are so proud that she was able to memorize most of the cheers - Ruby practiced so hard!

These past two weeks have flown by! At lot has happened. My last day w/Boys & Girls Club of South Park was last Tuesday. I am sad, but am happy with the choice I made. Mike works and Ruby goes to school south of where we live and my previous employement was north. We were almost an hour apart. Now I am looking for work in Buena Vista, the town that we mostly conduct our lives - wish me luck.

We celebrated my 35th BD. I can't believe I'm already 35. I've read somewhere the new middle age is 40 and not 35 anymore...so I'm sticking with that. This will be good news for my siblings ;)

Ruby is learning so much more English. She was able to communicate with Mike's parents pretty easily. Her vocab is still taking off. It's amazing how fast a 10 year old can learn.

Our visit with Grandma and Grandpa Skubella was great. They were able to see Ruby cheer at the local football game, watch the aspen leaves turn gold and orange (it was a fantastic year for leaves and reminds me of the year Mike and I married on Sept 21st). Grandma and Grandpa also got to see a few of Ruby's special performances. Ruby loves to act and perform for Mike and I, but we learned that she'll sing and dance for other family members too. She is so funny when she performs little acts - sometimes it is acting, singing dancing or all three!

Late photos and football

Ruby in front of Ruby Mountain. We did hike to the top, but I forgot my phone :(

Ruby picking apples at the Turner Apple Farm Last Week -

Our dear daughter is really into physical activity and absolutely has the energy to participate often. I think she is enjoying trying few new things to see where her interests are. I'm sure she would want to try everything offered in town if given the chance, but we must limit it to a few things at a time so she doesn't get too overwhelmed with the possibilities. She started Taekwondo last week and loved it! We'll give it a few more week until we buy her uniform, just in case it is short lived. Ruby is also trying a mini three day cheer camp this week. The cheer camp will perform at the high school football game this Friday. She is excited and understands she will be in front of 100's of people for the game. I am amazed that she is ready to take on such a task. She likes to be loud when possible and enjoys being the center of attention...so this might be a great experience for her. Mike is also teaching her how to throw a football and even watches a little TV football with Daddy. She asked us last week why girls don't play football. We told her that she can play if she wants and if she wants to play in High School she might be the only girl. She replyed that she is strong (you go girl!).

Today is our 5th year anniversary!!! Happy anniversary Bebe :)

Go CUBS!!!

Apples & Moon Cakes

On Saturday, we visited the Turner Farm in Buena Vista for an old fashioned apple picking festival. This event was small, but so much fun. We won a cake at the cake walk, Ruby made a corn husk doll, we picked veggies from the community garden, pet goats, picked a bag of apples, sewed on a foot peddle sewing machine, helped make butter and more. Ruby just had a ball. The event and activities were free...very amazing in this day and age! Afterwards, we hiked Ruby Mountain. A little mountain near Buena Vista. They call it Ruby Mountain because you can find tiny garnets embedded in the rocks. To top it off the weather was PERFECT! It was a day for the books!

On Sunday we celebrated the Moon Festival, even though it really was Monday. We used the veggies from the Turner farm for our dinner and then broke in the highly anticipated moon cake box. It was very hard for Ruby not to eat any the previous day. The metal Chinese decorated tin contained four different flavored moon cakes; red bean paste (Ruby's favorite), lotus flower, nuts and melon. My favorite was a toss up between the lotus and melon. The red bean paste was really good too. Ruby told us that typically everyone stays up until mid-night on the moon festival, we weren't able to stay up that late because she had school the next day. Maybe next year. I'll post some photos soon :)

Leaps and Bounds

This is Ruby on her school hiking fieldtrip.

This is the only photo I got of her, but she had a blast.

I tagged along and just loved it. I also found out a boy has a crush on her - or at least that is what I over heard a group of boys saying. Those school secrets don't stay secrets for long :)

Things are starting to fall in place more and more each week. I've decided that the challenges are needed in order jump leaps and bounds. Ruby is becoming more open to communicating about when she gets mad. She has also been opening up to us more about her life in China and a few thoughts about her birth mother every couple of weeks. Many times it comes up as we talk about behavior or why she might act a certain way. We feel honored that she trusts us enough to talk about these deep issues. School is also going better for her. I'm not attending school with her as much. She is learning cursive writing and she is completing her academic testing next week. So, hopefully we'll have an English Title 1 or ESL class lined up and she can attend school in the morning or until the end of the day. Now she attends school from 9:45-2.

In other news: I visited the hospital yesterday, but I'm OK. I had severe stomach cramping. At one point it hurt so much I passed out as I was throwing up. Luckily a co-worker was there to drive me to the doctor. I must say it was one of my most glamorous moments. It turns out I might have gastric acid reflux disease. Anyone out there has this? I would love to hear your experiences. I need more testing done before they can determine if this is really it or not. At least I didn't need surgery for anything exploding in my abdomen.

Top 10 Signs Ruby Has Bonded To Our Family

The 'Sign' and when we noticed it -

10. Calls us Mommy/Daddy - at first it was Mother/Father in China
9. Sleeps w/pets - started this the first night were home
8. Wants to help out with tasks on her own - first few days home
7. Accepting of Dad's tattoos - third week home
6. Gives us hugs on her own - second to third week home
5. Likes to see family photos and extended family -second to third week home
4. Doesn't like us to leave -even if you are in the next room - this occured our second week home at Boys & Girls Club (I was working in the next room even) - doesn't even like to be in school w/o parent, but this is starting to fade
3. Would rather spend time with us (Mike and I) instead of going to work - started immediately when we went back to work - Mike first week home and Tara end of second week home. Sometimes she gets upset if it is not a work day and we have to work even a little at home. Keep in mind I only work 15 - 25 hours per week. It makes me sad because I know her days dreams of a family in China didn't include work.
2. Hops on our laps or sits next to us closely - maybe end of the first week or early second week
1. Says "I Love You" on her own....sometime in week 5 or 6. She only says it when we are saying good-bye or time for bed, although she did say it once in a conversation about family. She tells our dog Simba "I Love You" much more often - yet Simba will do anything she says :)

Enjoying the last days of summer

Ruby and Simba: Ruby told us on Monday that she was

going to marry Simba. She loves the pets dearly and likes to sleep

with at least one of them in her bedroom.....but she's also afraid of the dark still. She is very thankful for her ladybug nightlight :)

Mike's Magnificent Deck. We are excited to finish it and

use it more next summer.

Eating Lunch Outside - one of my favorite things to do!

The weather has been amazing during the day at our house this past week. Thought I would sneak in some photos from the weekend that I forgot

on my phone. BTW - Ruby has been entertaining herself a little more the past few days. Until recently she wanted to do something with us every minute of the day - which is/was a good thing, but that takes alot of energy! Whew! I know she was just so happy to have a forever family. I'm sure she imagined us always being together in her day dreams. At least we were able to provide as much as possible these past two months. I take this as another sign that the honeymoon is over and she is settling down into family life.

Autumn Moon Festival

I've always wanted to celebrate the Autumn Moon Festival and now it is finally going to happen. Ruby is totally excited and we are counting down the days to Sept 14th (which also happens to be my Mei Mei's BD). After looking at mooncake recipes, I decided that purchasing them might be a better choice. The best deal I found on the internet is from www.chinasprout.com Hopefully, they taste OK because Ruby had told me how much she loves to eat mooncakes!

First week of school

Miss Ruby on her first day of school

Ruby and I getting ready for a cold summer's walk. I love this photo, but I look 40 not 34!

I can't believe it is already September! Time has flown by so fast! Ruby's first day of school was last Tuesday. She was quite nervous, but did good overall. Ruby has had some ups and downs concerning school since her first day. This is expected due to a new adjustment, new friends and environment. I've been attending school with her to help out with the translation part. Even though I am far from speaking Chinese, we are still able to communicate in our own way. I am starting to ween myself off of school so Ruby can become a little more independent. I think I'm just more of a distraction to her now, instead of help. We tested this on Friday because I had to work and missing so much work has put me behind. I was sad to leave her too, but know it is the right thing because I can't go to school with her every day. She was upset that I wasn't going to be there, but did just fine after I left.

We have adjusted a few things for Ruby until the school has completed her testing and program design. Ruby goes to school at 9:30 and leaves at 2. She feels a little awkward coming in late and leaving early, but is OK with it. We've done this because Ruby wants so badly to be doing what the other kids are doing in Spelling/English, but her communication/vocabulary just isn't there yet. She doesn't understand what the kids are doing and it makes her very frustrated. So, instead of feeding the frustration we have decided to skip those classes until she is able to attend a title 1 English class and other options. I think it is a relief for her now :)

Ruby will not lack motivation to catch up. She is all about being at the same level as the other kids. We knew she was competitive, but we are finding out her expectations are too high. One night she spent over 2 hours just trying to do homework. Her teacher is very flexible with the assignments and anything that is out of her reach does not have to be completed. Ruby has a hard time understanding this. From what she has told us, her school in China was very very strict and she feels she can not do anything wrong or different from the other students. I think school may have been traumatic for her in China after hearing her stories. I hope she has a more positive experience here. American schools are so different. Ruby made the comments to me on the first day of school that her teacher walks around the room too much and letting the students drink water during class out of water bottles is bad.

Socially, Ruby is like a movie star. It is a little overwhelming at times because children say hello to her in the halls and she doesn't know them. All the kids want to play with her at recess. Everywhere we go in town, kids and parents are saying "hi". Ruby says that people like her because she is from China. Mike and I tell her yes because it is the truth. We also add in that China is a great country and Americans like China because they were able to see Beijing during the Olympics. This makes her happy and proud.

I look forward to seeing what the second week of school brings. Ruby also has a hiking field trip (I'm going of course!) and her first birthday party on Friday.

I think this might be her first birthday party.

Smiles and the 4th grade!

A self photo of our beautiful daughter

Ruby likes to build things like Daddy!

Pampering a hurt foot

Hurt foot...what hurt foot?

Orange "peaces"

So many I can't believes these past two weeks.

I can't believe we've been a family for 2 months. It makes us so happy inside :)

I can't believe Ruby is going into the 4th grade. She will be a year behind other kids her age, but that is OK. She is still a little girl at times and the 4th grade just seems so old to me. I know she'll catch up and do well. We were thinking 3rd grade at first, but after our assessment w/Children's Intl. Hospital Adoption Center, we decided that 4th grade will be more appropriate for her since she is learning English very quickly and has many "older" child like skills. Ruby is anxious to start school this upcoming Tuesday.

I can't believe her honeymoon is finally over. We've seen a different (and a little more mature) Ruby. She is still doing amazingly well, but does show an attitude every now and then. She is learning more and more English every day. She is so smart and we use the dictionary a little less than the first 8 weeks. As mentioned before, she is very expressive. Now that she can express her fashion a little more here in the states, she has bought a pink wig (just for play), wears the colors brown and dark blue now (wouldn't touch them before because they were 'boy' colors) and even bought play tattoos. The tattoos were a huge step because she was scared of Mike at first because of all of his tattoos. She's catching on that being different is acceptable here in America.

I can't believe that Ruby is eating cheese now (still doesn't like hot cheese yet).

I can't believe that she gives us hugs and kisses now. We went to a friend's BD party last night. Mike wasn't able to come. This made Ruby sad. When we got home she ran into Daddy's arms.

I can't believe I'm leaving Boys & Girls Club of South Park :( This was a difficult choice, but I'm looking forward to a more 40 hour work week, not traveling for work, less stress and being here for my family. Ruby is sad too (she likes the Club), but is VERY happy because she understands that means I'll have more time to spend with her and Daddy.

I can't believe that we've only had to use an interpreter three times since we've been home. I think we'll use one on a weekly basis once school starts at first, just to keep communication open.

I can't believe how busy it is to have one child. I give props to those of you who have more than one :)

Olympics

The Olympics have been a favorite in our house hold the past couple of days. Ruby loves to see China compete and is excited when either the USA or China wins a competition. She's also had fun keeping up on how many medals each country has won. We are so glad that she is home and able to watch this. What perfect timing. Her favorite Olympic mascot is Jingjing the Panda. Mine is Bebe ...although Nini is very cute too. I love how the elements are tied into the Mascots - very fung shui! Ruby also gave us a wonderful performance of her version of the floor gymnastics. Very cute! Ruby has also shown an interest in our politics when she saw our President during an interview. She had a few very good questions on our government relations with China.

Tips for families adopting older children

Ruby and her fine catch of trout.

Daddy and Ruby hauling wood for winter.

Tips for families adopting older children.

I've come up with some tips for families adopting older children...especially since many families are making the "switch" to this age group. These suggestions have worked for us...of course I can not say that they will work for every family.

1. Read this book before you adopt and bring it along while you travel to China. It was so nice to refer back to this book when we needed to. This has been our most valuable book so far. There are many others that we read, but liked the simplicity that this one offered: Attaching in Adoption by Deborah D. Gray.

2. Make sure you have family time in China, even if it is swimming, taking walks, eating ice cream, playing cards or watching TV together. Don't be afraid to say "no" to missing out on the tourist trips. It is more important to start the bonding process. Your guide will understand.

3. Buy English learning DVD/CD's while in China. They are so much cheaper there and your child will appreciate it much more than the US ones offered. Also, buy movies in Chinese. Some won't play on the DVD player, even though it says, but you can play it on your computer. We bought several including a new US release movie "BEE" for under $4! Ruby also LOVES her traditional Chinese music CD's. She listens to them all the time and is of great comfort - music might be really good for kids under the age of 5 too!

4. Once you come home, don't have guests over or travel much. It is so nice and comforting for Ruby to know that our home is a safe fun place where she can relax and be herself. While we are home, we try to spend a lot of time together because it is a family place. We've been home one month and still haven't had people over. Although my Dad was here for a few hours the day after we came home.

5. We started Ruby on easy chores after day 3 or 4 at home. We use a chore chart with plastic tags and photos of each chore. It has given her responsibility in an easy way. We don't use the award system because these items are expected of her to do to help out with the family. She has responded very well to this and every day she wakes up she looks at her tags so she knows what is expected of her. I printed out photos of items that we do as chores that were not included in the kit. I bought ours for under $10 through Collections Etc or www.lakeside.com I can't seem to find it on either site now...so I'm not sure if they sell them anymore, but would be easy to make a homemade version.

6. We also keep a monthly calendar with photos, symbols and words that Ruby knows. She likes to be involved and updated on any changes. We go over each day together the night before.

7. We started to do 30 to 60 minutes a day of language workbook activities after week 1. Most of the workbooks were bought through Wal-mart. We started off with Pre-K and are now up to 1st grade. She flew through the pre-K/K and needs my help with 1st on maybe 50%. No matter, I always sit next to her and watch so she knows that I'm here for support. After she completes each book, we post her finished certificate on the fridge.

8. We posted a map in the office that has pins located where all of her adoptive relatives live. We are in the process of connecting each pin with a string to a photo of the relatives. Our family lives so far away that this gives her a better idea of how many relatives she has and who loves her.

9. We've also explained all the holidays coming up and that we are going to see relatives for Christmas. I know it seems far away, but it is important to us that she knows we travel far sometimes and that seeing family is a holiday tradition.

10. Ruby and I always pack her lunch together for the next day for Boys & Girls Club (my place of employment). She loves food and likes to be a part of the food choices. Luckily she likes healthy food, so we haven't had any power struggles with junk food yet.

11. Even though we are still working through the bonding process, we've found positive bonding activities like fishing, playing card games and Sorry, nail painting (even with Daddy!), baking/cooking together, taking photos of each other, looking through photos of when Mike and I where children and our wedding photos, looking at bugs and birds outside, reading books together at night (very simple books) and doing hair. High fives worked well during the first few weeks when she wasn't into hugging. Now she hugs all the time.

12. We eat together at least twice a day (difficult on working days, but we manage) and we always clear off the table as a family and clean the kitchen as a family. This is good for Ruby to see that Daddy can take on a motherly role too - which isn't common in China. She's even see Daddy cook and I think she was impressed!

13. We've also found it helpful for Ruby to play on www.funbrain.com There are great simple educational games for all grade levels.

14. We've had toys available for Ruby to play with that are for much younger children. This has been helpful and she's actually played with all of them. She even has a doll that she named after her Chinese name and sometimes strolls this doll in a doll stroller our friend gave us. Wang Mingnu has offered some good role-playing opportunities for Ruby. Sometimes adoptive children missed out on playing with these items and it's good to relive or regress through these stages if needed.

15. We always have one home movie family night a week and we pick out the movie as a family. Ruby is into fantasy. She loved the Spiderwick movie that just came out on DVD. Not recommended for children much younger than 9.

Hope this helps. I'll post some more tips as time goes on.

For the person trying to get a hold of me. My e-mail can be reached if you click on the profile section on this blog (right hand side). We are members on the BCWI yahoo group as well.